Your Home Can Reflect Who You Are, But Never What You’re Worth.

*taps mic*

Is this thing on?

I came across an Instagram post that made me pause the other day. Amidst the impeccably polished, wonderfully curated cacophony of aesthetically pleasing, meticulously designed interiors, was a post of just text. Generally speaking, a post with just text usually catches my attention. Whether it’s a witty tweet (do we still call them tweets? Gen Z, catch me up here), or an important personal announcement, I’m all ears. Or, all eyes, I suppose…

This post eloquently painted a picture that I, and many others – women and “homemakers” in particular – are all too familiar with. The thought that our home, or rather, the state of our home, reflects our worth. 

This thought, while not uncommon, makes me angry.

While it’s true that your home is a personal, intimate, unique space, a reflection of your value as a mother, a provider, a caretaker, or even an interior designer, it absolutely is not.  Instead, I’d like to examine the other side of this narrative. Let’s flip this on its head, and talk about how your home can reflect who you are, but never what you’re worth. 

As a designer, I’ve always felt an awkward type of pressure when hosting. Fear of judgement and of what others may think of my space is beyond irrational. Nevertheless, it prevails. While there is so much positivity that comes from infusing your home with your own authentic personality, let’s make vehemently clear why your home is NOT a reflection of your worth. Am I doing this as a thought exercise for myself because I’m playing host tonight? Maybe.

And hey, this might seem obvious, but let’s get as objective as possible, because I know I’m not alone here.

Human worth is intrinsic, your home’s worth is fiscal. 

That’s it. Read as many articles as you’d like about your home’s value being more than just a place to sleep and eat, (some of mine included), and it is, to a degree, but if we’re really getting down to business, the value of a house is fiscal and measurable and your value? Well, you are indispensable. Got it? Got it. 

Now this part is crucial: it’s all an illusion.

When you’re visiting someone’s home, generally speaking, they’re expecting company. Pillows are fluffed, dishes are washed, clothing is put away. On a more elaborate level, social media is vibrant with homes that are professionally staged. Comparison is the thief of joy, and basing your own value off of a picture-perfect representation of what a home could be is dangerous. Trust me, even as an interior designer, this last week has been absolute chaos in the Kooistra household. Between my kiddo’s birthday at home and staging photos for our new magazine shoot (project Abott – stay tuned!), I feel like I have a “has-it-all-together” alter ego at work. In real life, that throw blanket isn’t carefully cascading the arm of that chair. It’s on top of two pillows as the roof of a blanket fort. Or it’s on the floor. Or it’s wrapped around me as I binge watch Ted Lasso and avoid responsibilities. 

Self-care at its finest, really.

So practice compassion with yourself next time you’re defining your identity by the chip in your baseboard or the cluttered kitchen counter. Disarray and chaos is normal and natural. Let’s think less about what our home says about us to others, and how our home reflects our authentic, messy, beautiful selves back at us. Not how our elegant throw blanket is being used, but that it was chosen with purpose: because it’s our daughter’s favourite colour. When you’re working with me, I’ll help you create a space that’s yours to be proud of. Imperfect, authentic, and functional. 

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.